Dear Shop Girl,
Firstly, let me thank you for unblocking my Bloggers block. I haven't had much inclination or inspiration to write lately, so thanks.
Now lets get down to business. The reason for this letter is that I really feel I need to let you know that today, while shopping in your shop, you annoyed the absolute crap out of me. Please don't do it again.
I saw a cute dress hanging outside your store, I went in to try it on. First mistake. I had my almost 2 year old in the pram and he was nearing the end of his shopping tether, which was mistake number 2. Now I know you are barely old enough to be out of the pram yourself, so I cant really expect you to understand. Let me break it down for you. When an almost 2 year old is nearing the end of his tether one does not have much time. I calculated I had just enough time to throw the dress on, check it fitted my criteria of a) does it fit b) does it make me look like a street walker c) does it look like pigs fighting under a blanket? before making a quick transaction and hauling ass out to the car. But no, you felt the desire to show me 300 other dresses that mostly did not fit criterion a, b or c. I took a deep breath and reminded myself you were doing your job. Then as I thought I was almost near the finish line you insisted I check out the box of God-awful belts, hats and scarves that were a tiny $1. Now casting my weary eye over the box I could see even Barbie herself would struggle to get some of these teeny tiny belts around her hips. Unless you thought I could use them as anklets perhaps? Almost 2 year old had reached "I am going to squeal because the acoustics in here are awesome and I am bored"
My patience was definitely wearing very thin so I just said "I will just take the dress please" I refrained from saying "For the love of all things holy just scan the freaking dress before I stick a stiletto heel through your head" cos my mumma done raised me to have manners.
And then the unthinkable happened. I thought for a moment I had misheard. But no, there it was again. "just insert your card thanks Love" WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!! You are barely out of training pants and you just referred to me as love, numerous times.. Had I been a promiscuous teen I could at a stretch be old enough to be your mother and yet here you are calling me love!! Now I admit I am a sucker for being called 'darling' or 'sweetheart' or other such niceties, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. IF, and only IF the one doing the name calling is older than me. When it is done by someone who still probably drinks from a sippy cup and has a night light then it is not cool, not cool at all. And it is one sure way to guarantee I will not be visiting your store again any time soon. That is all
From the woman with the almost 2 year old who is definitely not your 'Love'
p.s I am sure you thought you looked impossibly cool in that flower headband, but it kinda looked impossibly like you had knicked it from Granny's grave. And I know this makes me really old, but in my day, pants used to cover ones butt cheeks. Just sayin love.....
