I AM PREGNANT....FINALLY

Well here its is, finally, the blog I have been longing to write for almost 2 years. I am pregnant with number 2- 13 weeks today. Man has it been hard to wait this long to write. After 4 IVF cycles our little miracle is on the way. I had the nuchal scan yesterday and everythng seems to be perfect- 2 arms,2 legs, head,10 fingers (couldnt see feet but am sure there are 10 toes as well  (was a bit concerned about missing body parts as it was a frozen embryo we used...silly I know)
It has been by no means a smooth pregnancy- i dont seem to do pregnancy well- especially 1st and 3rd trimester. IMorning sickness began at the start of week 6 and still hasnt left me. When i say morning sickness I really mean all day, all night horrendous illness! I have lost over 4 kg (which may not seem like much but it would normally take me months to lose that type of weight!) Anything to do with food makes me feel ill. Smelling it, eating it,cooking it, seeing it on tv, even thinking about it.  Am so hoping it will resolve soon. I dont think I could face any more oh so classy vomit in the front garden experiences lol.
This pregnancy has been eerily similar to Elijahs pregnancy. Although not planned, their due dates are only a week apart, which means the IVF cycles were very close.I also had a huge bleed with etc  at 5 weeks and was sure I had miscarried, just as i did with Elijah.   However  a scan the next day showed a sac, and the doctor said it was there but he couldnt say whether it would last or not. I had 2 embryos transferred so it was possible both had implanted and I lost one. So another week nd a half of anxious wait til my next scan and then we saw the beautiful little blob with a beating heart. As i was on medication costing over $100 a week,I had scans every 2 weeks wesome!) but am now drug free and on monthly scans.
We havent told Elijah yet, will wait til I am obviously showing. Pregnancy seems to take forever for me,I cant imagine how long it would feel to a 3 year old. I think he will be excited as he loves babies and always says he would like to be a big brother. But being that there will be a 4 year age gap, where he has had sole access to mummy for 4 years there could be a few issues to work through. But we will get there.
So keep fingers crossed that this little one does not decide mummys womb with a view is not good enough to stay in for a full 40 weeks and decide to arrive early like its big brother. And bring on 2nd trimester- I rock at that one!

Eddie V Big-hair man

Dear "Man with exxceptionally big head",
                                                                      It has taken me almost 2 months to write this post. That's how traumatised you made me. March 13, the night that could have been the night of my life (well apart from the other nights of my life- wedding, child birth etc etc). Picture this- me, 5th row, QPAC concert hall, Eddie Vedder on stage- solo show. About 15-20 metres separated me from the man I have loved since I was 12 (don't get your knickers in a twist- Allan knew when he married me there was always a piece of my heart kept for Eddie)  SHOULD. HAVE. BEEN HEAVEN. But do you know why it wasn't? Well let me tell you. It was because of you. You with your exceptionally big head. Sure, not your fault, genetics, yadda yadda yadda. However, perched on top of that freaking ginormous head, was the biggest man-hair I have ever seen! I mean come on, back away from the extra body shampoo man (as if that glossy shine comes naturally ; ). Once again, maybe you were just born with high sitting, springy hair strands. But for the love of all things holy, why, oh why could you not keep that gargantuan head still. You moved it one way- I moved the other. Oh hang on, now I can see Eddie, oh wait, hang on, big-head man has decided to move his head again..... for the 5 millionth time that hour!! Lucky for the person behind me, I am a) short  and b) had straightened my hair hence no chance of my hair being ginormous and view blocking.  Oh wait, now you want to shift your mammoth head again AND put your arm around your girlfriend. Well just wait till I move again, no really, cos its not like I paid the same money as you just to watch your FREAKING HUGE HEAD- seriously the poor girl beside me now thinks I am totally trying to rest my weary head on her shoulders.  Maybe I am being harsh, maybe the weight of having such a (hang on just ducking over to thesaurus.com for some more synonyms for large)  colossal head on your small neck is really difficult. Maybe I should be feeling sorry for you. Well I don't. Eddie was awesome, just a pity I have barely any idea what he looked like crooning away up on stage there because I couldnt see past your exorbitant cranium. But on the plus side, Andrew Stockdale (of Wolfmother fame) did a duet with Eddie and I had no problems whatsoever seeing his gigantic head either.


note: this blog is in no way meant to offend those who have exceptionally large heads

The beauty in the little things

This week I have been reminded that for all the ugliness, hurt and sadness in this world there is also an amazing amount of beauty, joy and awesomeness. Little things that take your breath away and leave heart prints on your soul.
The other day I was at my second panrty Woolies with Elijah. He was holding one basket handle, me the other. I had let him choose a couple of matchbox cars when he stopped rummaging through the pile and said to me (sorry facebook friends, you know how this story ends- act surprised!)  "we're best friends aren't we Mummy?" My heart stopped beating for an instant as I was overwhelmed by the innocence and honesty of this one simple, exquisite sentence.
I was reminded that its the little things...

Today at church was a family service. Its a fun,relaxed service with lots of involvement from the kids in the church. Elijah and I were in the back row enjoying the service when our Youth Minister whose name is Awesome (or Jill if you don't know her) announced that the kids would be singing a song they had been practicing.  Elijah, who is yet to be unleashed on the world of Junior Church, was very excited to see the kids on stage and wanted to go up too. He walked down to the front, stopping often to look back at me for reassurance, and made it down to the stairs. Here he hesitated, his confidence having left him when faced with the reality of the stage. Jill saw him and could not get down to him quick enough.She took him up on stage, stood behind him and helped him with the actions and words. At the back stood me, the proudest mummy in the whole world at that moment, and also the most thankful. Thankful that someone saw my brave little man and took care of him when he could so easily have been overlooked.  His little face when he ran down the stairs to me after the song,  was priceless. And I knew that a beautiful memory had been made for him and me today. I also think he melted quite a few hearts, just quietly!

Once again I was reminded it really is the little things ...

Thats like, so highschool

As you may know, I have a little soft spot for facebook. I have been known to pop in every 5 minutes   so often to check whats happening in the world of my dear FB friends. Its a bit of harmless, voyeuristic fun.But dear friends, Facebook has a dark side, a dark passenger if you will (just finished watching Dexter can you tell?) Something that can make the most confident person question their worth, leave them a quivering mess of "what if's and how comes?" That my friends is what we on the 'book call defriending. Yes you heard right. People sneakily deleting someone from their facebook friend list with not so much as a goodbye. Ofetn one discovers they have been defriended purely by accident. "Hmmmm havent seen any new photos or updates from Betty Sue for a while, I will just pop over and have a look at her profile".
"Oh no you wont" comes the smug privacy message that now greets you where once you were warmly welcomed. You reel, stunned, cut to the quick, devastated, speechless, horrified. Defriended? Me? How? I am awesome!!!  Ok so you didn't really like this person much, didn't really have much in common, may not have even seen them in about 25 years, but that's not the point. They were your on your list and now they are not. And the worst part is you want to know why!!! But it would be a cold day in hell before you would give them that satisfaction. In fact, you would even seriously debate with yourself about spitting on them if they happened to find themselves on fire (nothing at all to do with the voodoo doll you had made of them and then threw on a lit match) . You are suddenly transported straight back to high school with all your teenage fears, insecurities and angsts., But luckily it only lasts a  moment, because now you realise its only facebook and   you weren't really friends anyway. Ohh and you realise you are probably just too amazing for them to handle ; )

In the blink of an eye

Dear Elijah,
                   a week ago today we celebrated your 3rd birthday, I cannot believe 3 years has passed since your frightening entry into this world. I cannot imagine a life without you in it and can barely remember life as it was before you came. Its like you have always been here.  Wow, 3! You are certainly not a baby anymore, you are a real little boy. You continue to amaze me, just as you have done every day since your birth. You speak very well, have done for a while now. At your last assessment at the Mater they reported you as having exceptional communication skills - not bad for a little boy born at 28 weeks! You sing songs, and recite pages from your favourite stories. You are also fully toilet trained, yay no more nappies. Another thing i dreaded but you took to like a duck to water.
This year has seen big changes in your little world. I had to return to work, only part time, but it means you now go to daycare. You have handled these changes like a superstar. The first couple weeks you were harder at pick up time than you were at drop off. You didn't want to come home!  You hit a little bump in the road last week when you realised it was a permanent thing, but touch wood, this week you were back on track. So many nights I couldn't sleep worrying about how you would cope. I was 97% sure you would be fine, but there is always the small percent of what if's. What if you changed, what if you were scared, or lonely, or bullied. But your teachers are great and I really think I made the best choice with the centre I chose for you. You especially love Miss Jean.
You still love reading and singing. Now whenever you hear music on TV you yell out to me to come and dance. Boy do you have some moves! You can count up to 20 and only leave out 15 for some reason. You recognise lots of letters and numbers.
You are such a funny, smart, handsome little boy. I often look at you and just cannot comprehend that this amazing little creature came from my body- we  created you! I still tear up when I look at you, I wonder if this will ever pass?  I think though the thing I love most about you (apart from EVERYTHING) is that you are so loving. Often out of nowhere you will just come up to me for a nuggle and you are not too stingy to hand out lots of kisses, and when I say I love you, even if its the thousandth time that day, you still say i love you too. You love everyone, and everyone cant help but fall in love with you. The day you were born I didn't even want to think of the future, I just had to pray you would survive day by day. Never could I have imagined how you would grow and how I could manage to  love you more every day. I love you to the moon and back Monkey Moo, happy 3rd birthday

You at birth



you at 3



The day I got Stuck in a Dress

So I thought, rather unselfishly, that I would share a story with you about the time I got stuck in a dress. Yes you read correctly. I got stuck in a dress. Now I know you can get stuck in a lift, up a tree, can even be stuck up,  but I wonder how many of you have ever been stuck in a dress.

It all started like any other day. Thought I would do a spot of shopping (this was BC, when I could actually take the time to try things on in shops rather than doing a quick scan of the shop from the entry, zooming in on the thing that most looks like it will a)  fit  b) be comfortable and not show food stains  c) fit my much lower budget, before buying it to try on at home and usually return on the next seek and find mission)  Anyways, I digress. So I found this really nice summer white dress. Now I had also had time BC to work on a tan, so thought, wow how lovely would white look with my tan. Bingo! Off to the change rooms I prance, feeling quietly confident that I was onto a winner. So I slip dress over head. There is a zip but it looks like it will go on without having to undo the zip- which is a back fastening zip so a pain to do up on your own. Therein lay my fatal mistake (A good time to point out here that I seem to have been born with a distinct inability to judge anything measurement related. Take for example- parking. I have been known to slam on my brakes giving passengers whipkash as I think I am about to hit car in front. Upon getting out of car I see there is room enough between both cars to park a B Double!) . Dress slides over upstretched arms- check. Dress continues to slide nicely over head- check, a bit of a pull and it slides nicely over bust- check. Hmmm starting to feel some resistance, maybe I will take it off an undo the zip after all. 'Oh no you wont, smug tryer onner of clothes' . With arms still upstretched (reaching for roof- just to help with the visuals) head buried in fabric, bust covered in dress, rest of pasty, cellulite-y body hideously exposed (and no I was not wearing my best, 'in case of emergency you will want to be seen in these/Victorias Secret type ' underwear) I realised the dress was not moving, not up and not down. I shimmied and shook and wriggled and grunted. (God only knows what other dressing room patrons were thinking at this stage). But the dress would to move. Now if My arms had not been stuck in upstretched position, maybe dress removal would have been easier. I tried for ages, panic and sheer desperation mounting with every passing second. What was I going to do?? I contemplated just busting out of the dress and wasting a big amount on a wrecked dress, i contemplated sticking upstretched arms and stuck head out of curtain and asking assistant for help and risking her seeing my unsightly, bad undies clad body in all its spotlighted glory, I contemplated slashing my wrists with the stuck zipper. I said prayers to God, Allah, Jehovah and any other mystical being who may have been in the vicinity. I could feels tears prickling my squashed eyes. When all of a sudden I felt a bit of movement. HALLE- freaking- LUJAH-  cue heavenly choir of angels singing!!! I was free of the stupid, ugly hideous dress, with no damage to dress but some major red marking to my upper arms, face and head.  And no in case you are wondering- I didn’t buy the dress. Lol.

My mum still reminds me of this every time I step foot in a dressing room amid gales of laughter. And I can laugh about it now.... but it took a long time to get past the horror of being stuck in a dress.

Tears for a stranger

This past week has seen my part of the world turned upside down. The flood crisis in Queensland worsened dramatically with flash flooding in Toowoomba and the Lockyer Valley. Lives were lost, homes were decimated, businesses were destroyed. I, along with so many others have been glued to the television, horror increasing with every passing minute at what was taking place. Cars being flung about like matchbox toys through the streets , businesses destroyed- their stock spilling out onto flooded streets, houses ripped from their stumps and torn apart as if they were made of match sticks. It was likened to an inland tsunami and there was no warning.
I reach a point often where I can no longer watch the telecast. It is so heart wrenching that I have to turn it off. But for those living through this disaster they dont have the luxury of switching off. This is their new reality- one never asked for just thrust upon them. This disaster took men, women and it took children, it didnt discriminate.
I often see the news and my heart goes out to the victims that appear daily. But when its your own town, a place where you lived, where you have family, where you shopped, whose streets you walked down often and whose towns you drove through and taught at it makes it so much more devastatingly real and horrific. And the tears come easily. Tears for strangers you see on the news, who you dont know, have never met, but for whom you hurt as if they were your closest friend. Tears flow freely For the lost and those who lost loved ones, for the rescuers who did all they could and will now live with the scars of lives they could not save, for the premier who has shown such enduring strength and leadership, for the people whose homes and businesses were destroyed and who may now be unable to claim insurance.
But throughout there have been glimpses of beauty and strength that make me so proud to be a queenslander. Seeing those brave rescuers- my brother among them- risking their own lives to save the lives of others. Seeing the resilience of people who have lost so much yet who have not been destryoyed.  Seeing army officers so gently cradling small children whom they have rescued- as gently as if it were their own child. . Seeing how so many have rallied around to help with donations and as the clean up begins. One cannot help but be  proud. And when you see this you know that they will survive what has been thrown at them, they will endure the grief and grow. And that is perhaps the most amazing thing of all.