Bittersweet

It has finally arrived- a day I have dreamed of and dreaded for almost 5 years. Its the day my first born child has started school. It feels like only days ago that I sat by that humidicrib, day in and day out watching the little life fighting inside. Praying that he would survive and thinking of all the milestones we would celebrate. I imagined this day as I sat there in the NICU, but it felt like an eternity away. I still cannot quite believe it is here. People always commented when he was a baby that I should enjoy every minute because they grow up so fast. Never has that seemed so true as it has today.
 it was with so much pride that I watched my little man all dressed in his uniform, huge backpack strapped on his back walk confidently into his new classroom. I knew he would be fine. He has been so excited for such a long time now, but a small part of me still wondered if reality wouldnt suddenly set in and with it the enormity of what he was facing. But thankfully even as I kissed his little face goodbye he was happy and ready to start his big new adventure. Silly me! He has faced all other milestones with confidence and exuberance- why should today be any different. As his parents, we often wonder how two of the worlds most shy and reserved people managed to create this outgoing, confident little boy. But we thank God every day that we did.
As I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep, my mind was filled with so many questions. Have I done enough to prepare him for this, will he look back on the time we had together with fond memories. Did I play with him enough, stimulate him enough, listen to him enough? Probably not all the time. Did I let him watch too much tv, eat too much junk food. The answer to all of these questions is probably yes at different times. But I look at the little boy who we have raised so far and I know that while some things could have been done better or differently, we must have done a lot of things right. He is loving and kind, crazy and energetic. Clever and funny. Impulsive and  reckless. He can make your heart swell to bursting and the next minute want to tear your hair out in frustration. He can talk under wet cement. He is precious and a beautiful soul. I pray his teacher will find all these qualities in him and nurture them. Shape him without losing what makes him, him. I hope she will love him and be someone he trusts and feels safe with. Be firm with him when he needs it. Stretch his mind and imagination, keep him busy and be someone he will always remember as an amazing teacher.
Its been a big day for us both. I mourn the passing of an era in his life that is gone now for good. The time where I got to have him home with me. I have loved every minute of it, even the hard days, for they make me appreciate the good days even more. Now I have to share him with the world. and look forward to the excitng new things to come.  And now as its almost time to pick him up, I cant wait to see him and cuddle him and hear all about his day. I have survived his first day....